The single phrase that I’ve heard my mother recite the most in my life is “Rae, take your fingers out of your mouth.” That’s right, nail biter. I’ve bitten my nails as long as I can remember. My Bachelor’s degree minor is in Psychology, so I know all about the OCD nature of nail biting, I am aware of the implications of mental instability and my mom is a nurse, so I know that my hands are germy and gross. Despite all of this nothing I tried seemed to make a real impact on my habit. I continued to bite my nails until I turned 26 years old. I actually managed to stop biting my nails before, once for 2 whole months, but for some reason it just didn’t stick. I am now going on month number 5 without biting, and I know that this time I’ve managed to kick the habit. Those of you who still bite are no doubt asking “HOW!??” and I will tell you!
But first, I’ll share what didn’t work for me. The first time I tried to stop biting, I asked my friends and family to remind me not to bite (nothing new really) but this didn’t work, because my heart wasn’t really in it. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to bite my nails, but deep down, I felt like I needed to whether I wanted to or not, and I didn’t think I could beat that feeling. The second time, I tried those horrible anti bite polishes- which I can tell you not only make nail biting unpleasant, but also make any food that touches your fingertips taste disgusting. Not fun, and again, not successful. I lasted for a while until I got sick of everything that I touched tasting like bitter grossness. I stopped applying the stuff and went back to chomping my fingers to little nubs. At this point I had pretty much given up on stopping my annoying ugly habit. I felt like it would just forever be a part of who I was, and I wouldn’t be able to overcome it. Pretty hopeless.
What changed you ask? Several things actually. For one, I’m going on my 6th year of marriage with the hubby and kids are imminent. I badly wanted to beat my habit before I taught it to my children. Also, I heard on the radio that nail biting was in the top 3 things that turns men off. (I knew it wasn’t a turn-on, but sheesh!) Finally, I kept seeing all of these adorable manis on Pintrest and all over the internet. I’ve always had cute feet and I like to try out new polish on my toes, but somehow this just isn’t the same. Now, all of these still didn’t really add up to presto-chango no more bite. To be honest, it was a slow mental turn around that took several weeks and I’m pretty sure involved all five stages of grief. (for those non psychologists: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/) It went like this: 1) Denial- “I don’t have a problem, YOU have a problem.” 2) Anger- “Just leave me alone, I don’t care if I bite my nails.” 3) Bargaining- “ALRIGHT! I’ll stop biting if you buy me a pretty shellac manicure.” 4) Depression- “UGH! what’s the use! I’ll never stop biting my nails.” 5) Acceptance- “OK, I have a problem. It is not normal, but there are much worse problems out there and I am strong enough to fix it.”
After those stages, I had to really think about my problem. WHY do I bite? stress? boredom? anxiety? childhood trauma? When it really came down to it these were not the right kind of answers. Sure they may have all been true, but they weren’t getting to the root of the problem. The REAL reason I bit my nails was that I felt COMPELLED to do so (thus- OCD.) I felt like my nails growing longer was a grooming issue, and my biting them off was somehow what I was supposed to do. The feeling I got from biting my nails is not unlike the way one feels when spending hours doing haircare, or even cleaning one’s nails. It was a stress relieving grooming primal instinct. I realized that my grooming instincts were misplaced. YES we are meant to maintain our fingernails, but we are not supposed to bite until our nail beds bleed. Once I established THIS answer, I was ready to retrain my behavior. I did this rather methodically, I realized that I couldn’t just eliminate the biting, but I needed to redirect my energies so that the habit didn’t return.
I first focused on an easy short range goal, I wanted to have the pretty nails that I kept seeing on the internet. I wanted to learn how to give myself a beautiful Mani, and I wanted to create my own unique paint jobs that would coordinate with my jewelry (I run a small online jewelry business http://www.eojewelry.com) With that I set fourth with my goal. Initially I did use the anti bite polishes that I LOATHE so much, they really do help to remind you not to put your hands in your mouth for the first week or so. Once I’d grown out a nice smooth edge on my nails I no longer found it necessary to use the anti-bite. Next, I figured out my weak times. Most biters know that there are trouble times such as watching movies, or long car rides, when it feels almost impossible to resist the temptation to bite. I made sure that in these times I had something else to do, read, chew gum, use my laptop, etc. Even if this meant multitasking while watching a movie at home, it kept my fingers out of my mouth. Second, I used free time to focus on my goal I created a Pintrest pin board with manis that I wanted to try, products I was interested in, and techniques for nail health and successful manicures. All the while I kept my reasons for quitting in mind as well as the understanding that my feelings of being compelled to bite were misdirected.
Now it’s been about 5 months since I stopped the bite, and I no longer feel like I need to bite my nails. I’ve actually CUT my fingernails several times- that sounds strange to non-biters, but it is a feat that I never really accomplished before.I’ve enjoyed LOTS of fun manicures, explored new products, and I am starting this blog to share them. I hope that by sharing my journey I’m able to help and inspire people who struggle to stop biting.
didgets 